Soccer Sadist

Tagged in: Bragging Poems

I know that eventually all foes attending,
will experience their minced knees bending,
in the presence of the newly sent alfresco divinity,
imminent the moment when the incumbent best will know no lenity.

I defend a sea of green with a careening speed before unseen,
May your sweat beads gently gleam before becoming steam
as through your team I obscenely scream as a fiery stream,
a demeaning anthropoidal energy beam.

watch and see my graceful feet paint the vast verdure
the color leaves your face as your team is mass murdered
one by one the humiliation comes

cloys does the theory of relativity
as I toy with what it’s long been telling me
indelibly rewriting the physics pedigree,
I outrun the photons that be and stride invisibly
please feel free to join Einstein in the rolling freely in his misery.

you try and pray that you keep up,
but you’re in a nascar race driving a meat truck.
before the game they wished me luck,
but you can have it–for it does not appear I’m the one who sucks.
Yes, it’s my intent to roister,
but seriously, you suck like you’re in a contest for eating oysters.

I respect the audacity
to try n get past me–
it seems you have the gall of the most daring men,
but you should know I’ve stolen more balls than a veterinarian.

your best moves are from the cretaceous,
and you have the lateral quickness of the thickest of glaciers.
and though it may be ludicrous,
your hardest kick reminds me of a baby in a uterus.

I know I look good, and I move like I’m massless
but I’m more than a gimcrack–I’m the best and the fastest,
so get back in your ginger snap, where you can do some good as molasses.

There’s no vacation
from my in-your-face ostentation,
so have some patience as I dribble around you like a space station.

and as your pride is repeatedly stepped upon
just relax and let it dawn,
that you are nothing but my pitiful epigone.
one step and I’m gone
along with your ball, your balls and your brawn

I do not deny I’m soccer sadist
and clearly you’re at the mercy of my afflatus
your only escape
is to never have played us.

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